My Wife Still Wears A Face Mask! What Do I Do?

A reader writes: 

Dear Allan, 

Thanks for your thoughts about wearing the mask

Although I can do the things that you suggest, my wife simply refuses. We’ll walk into a store that has a sign that recommends that one wear a mask. My wife, although jabbed, jabbed, and booster jabbed, will break out and don her obedience diaper. I say, “Please don’t do that.” She puts it on regardless. She says, “I’m a free agent and I can choose to do what I want, right?” I tell her that they aren’t even “requiring it,” that they are only suggesting it. It just goes unheeded.

I’ve told her that I will not walk with her while she is wearing it. That seems acceptable to her. Obviously, this causes some tension in our relationship.  We have been married for 45 years and I would like to finish out my life being married to her, but it seems less likely as time goes on. She works at a hospital and says that the virus is real because she has seen how much harm it has done. (She is a receptionist and works in an unrelated department and has no close connection to anything Covid, so I really don’t know what she has seen.)

My son does the same thing (43 years old and lives at home — he has some Asperger’s symptoms so he will probably be there for life).

My wife is open to me telling her about the mask issues and such, but there is no discussion about it. She just says, “Thanks, I’ll take that under consideration.” Yeah, right. 

Your thoughts?

Man Of The House 

Dear Man Of The House, 

I do have advice, but it is not from the perspective of a man married 45 years. I will share what I see in the world, but please take it with the caveat that from what I know of you, I consider you a much more accomplished man than me. Forty-five years is a great accomplishment. Congratulations. 

To pause and put that into historical perspective for a moment — from 1977 to the present, in an era of American decadence and family decay, you guys have made it 45 years. That is a lot different than making it 45 years from 1946 to 1991. 

Be the man. Stay the course. Don’t nag, don’t rub it in, lead by example. 

They are both watching. 

The entire narrative will crumble and both will need a loving leader in their lives.   

This Narrative Will Go The Way Of The Bellamy Salute 

For the next few hundred years, people with a propensity for useless trivia about long-lost cultures will say things like, “Did you ever hear what the Americans did during something called Covid-19?” 

Most people listening will hardly believe even the most accurately related stories. That is where we are headed. 

This period will turn into an odyssey for the erudite. It will be related to mildly-amused friends by brainiacs akin to the one-in-one-hundred who can relate 

1.) the tale of the Bellamy Salute, as an example, or 

2.) how the French Calendar was reformed by know-it-all technocrats during the French Revolution to make ten day work weeks, leading to sickness and exhaustion, or 

3.) when trusted and well respected doctors refused to break with medical orthodoxy by washing their hands before delivering babies, thereby committing many thousands of mothers to a needlessly early death by childbed fever — leaving the infant motherless, and the home broken. 

It takes a certain cold-hearted psychosis for a physician to act that way, and yet, as we see, that behavior finds so many parallels in the allegedly more enlightened present. 

In reality, we have been here before. We will almost surely be here again — the disconnected intellectual establishment leading people to ruin by spouting total idiocy, and which people welcome into their lives by refusing to demand accountability. 

Congratulations! You Have Won! 

Let me tell you this thing, dear reader, that no one may ever tell you about this period of corona communism that has lasted since the Ides of March 2020: 

You are right. 

You already won. 

It is hard to be any more right than you already are. 

Now the world just needs to come to that realization. There will be many people left crushed. 

I cannot guarantee a single one of those who fell for it will ever 1.) get rid of the mask or 2.) acknowledge their wrongness aloud on that one day they quietly stop wearing it. 

That Is Just What Liars Do, But…

That is just how less than honest people operate. I would love to really dig into your wife right now and ridicule her, but I can’t because the truth is, I catch myself lying to myself all the time. Part of the reason is that I am so on guard for my lies. But the truth remains, none of us walking this planet seem to be all that perfect. We all screw up royally. That will not stop me from holding myself and others to a higher standard, but sometimes that just has to come with some grace, realizing that I mess up too. 

Congratulations on your victory. Now I would like to ask you to be the magnanimous champion, the man among men, the leader of his home. Walk in confidence in your victory and authority. Just like your wife will likely drop the mask one day hoping you will not rub it in, you could act like you have won, and not rub it in. She just might onboard that same attitude of her magnanimous, victorious husband. And if she does not, that is okay too. Because you are not behaving that way just for her. You are doing it because it is the right way to be. 

Also Consider The Fact That Your Wife May Be Hurting Herself And Not Realizing It 

On a more important level than winning, I want to come to you about your care for your wife and her wellbeing. If you need some words on that, please read my book Face Masks Hurt Kids

If you skim the chapter titles, within 20 minutes it will have you conversant and ready on how harmful face masks are, not just for kids, but for everyone who wears them. You and your wife may really enjoy going through that book together. You can dog-ear the chapters that you think may resonate with your wife and skip the others. It is more reference book than front- to-back reading material. Then you can ask her to sit down with you and to go through the important points about health and well-being presented there with you. 

It will be the best $20 and the best 20 minutes you ever spent on the face mask topic with your wife. The science at this point is indisputable — the face mask hurts those who wear them. In the process, do not try to prove her wrong. Try to operate in a spirit of concern for the well-being of this woman you love. 

Now, How Do We Heal This Family Of Yours?

Focus on spending face-to-face time with your son and your wife, please. Get far away from the politics. One of the agendas of the moment is to divide people who have much in common. You guys have much in common. 

Do not do it once or twice and then be flummoxed when they do not go for it. Do it at the very least, every day for six months — asking them to join you for an activity. Do things with the sole intention of spending time together. They do not need to know that, at least not at first, but make it your agenda to spend time with them and to have fun together in mask free environments away from the nonsense. 

A trillion dollar media machine has helped built a deep chasm in your home. It is your job to do the healing and that might take some effort. 

Goofy & Memorable Things To Do Just To Spend Time Together & Foil The Plot Of Those Who Would Divide You 

Sundaes Start touring the re-opened outdoor ice cream parlors together. Take a big fat notebook. Critique them as you eat them together. Agree to spend the next two months finding the best hot fudge sundae within an hour’s drive. Start a blog or podcast on the topic. I bet the domain is not yet taken. Sure, it is a niche idea and only 50 people will be into it, but so what. You might even be able to pitch your five best reviews to the local paper when all are done and get them to let you guys publish the ice cream sundae edition of the lifestyle section. The whole goal is to have an excuse for you guys to be back together again, doing something together, having high quality and high quantity time together. 

Hiking — Go out hiking every Saturday together. Bring food for a picnic. Enjoy the view. Find the best view within a 2-hour drive from you. You can see I like contests. 

Tchaikovsky Records Go to the record store together every Friday afternoon and find an old piece of classical music that the three of you will listen to together that night. Talk about it before (such as the readily available composer’s online biography and critiques of the composition over the ages) and talk about it when it is done as well. Make the goal of the time about bonding. I like the previous two activities even better though, for they do not have you guys doing what so many families have been trained to do — being audience members next to each other, pretending that is the same as spending time together.  

Get Them Away From Screens 

Focus all your attention on each other and doing things not on screens during that time. 

No matter what it takes, get them both away from the devices. An easy way to do that could be father-son walks in which you both leave the devices behind. Husband-wife walks are great too. That will break up whatever dynamics exist when it’s the three of you in the usual environment of home and allow you to focus on the relationship with just one person at a time. Also go on whole family hikes together. 

What I believe they need most is more time with you when no devices are present. Figure out any excuse to make that happen. I suggest this is what they need most with you because this is what nearly every family in this era needs most right now.

They need more you and less Cuomo brothers, or whoever the latest doofuses are that we are supposed to all trust. In your note, there feels like there is a distance from each of them. As the man of the home, I consider it your job to bridge that chasm. It may be hard for you, but it is much harder for the other two. 

The Most Clint Eastwood Man In California 

You might be the manliest dude out there. I do not know, so the next might be redundant. There is a pastor in California, he is not a household name, but the guy has a real heart for speaking into the lives of men. If you want a little more Clint Eastwood swagger without having to imagine yourself in the movies, he is a good one for speaking with about real life situations in which he expects men to pastor the home and demands high standards as men do so. I am happy to put you in touch. He may be the most Clint Eastwood guy in the whole state of California. Also, he has been married 49 years, and he has a special heart for ministering to men. 

There Is A Division That Needs Your Leadership To Heal 

Perhaps, your wife is more moved by fear. You may be more moved by reason. Or maybe she is more moved by authority, and you are more moved by fear of government evil. Or maybe you are a man of faith, and she is a woman of the world. Whatever the scenario, there are still fundamental reasons you married. There are reasons you have stayed married, and I suspect focusing on some of those and getting away from the rest will be a benefit to all. 

Healing is going to be one of the most important phases of recovering from corona communism. That will take a lot of grace and forgiveness. It sounds like you are ready to begin laying that foundation. 

The Marital Bond Is Forever 

I have previously encouraged readers to separate themselves from those lacking courage, but one’s spouse is an exception. The marital bond is forever. Many families have had hardship during corona communism, but that does not mean the marriage should end. Nor should the marriage merely survive. Your marriage, dear Man of the House, should thrive. It has been my experience that such situations are almost always able to be led by the man of the house, as he steps into his authority and sets the rhythm of the relationship. 

The continued mask wearing is psycho. I agree with you on that. You are definitely in the right. More than looking at what is wrong with your wife, though, I need you to be looking yourself in the mirror and saying what it is you can do to be the best Man of the House that you can be — the best husband, the best Dad. 

We each have our burdens in life. I do not want to pretend that the situation you are in is easy, but I believe that with you being the best husband you can, the best father you can, you will heal the home and the home will thrive like you have never known. 

After 45 years of marriage, you may not have the energy a young you had (though your note has a zest to it that may prove me wrong), but what you do have that was inaccessible to a younger you is your wisdom and experience. That is worth so much in this situation.  

When We Fight About “Nothing,” We Fight About Symbols 

When we fight about “nothing,” we fight about symbols. The face mask is a symbol of something more being amiss. You can solve what that is. In fact, I would argue, dear Man of the House, you are the only one who can solve what that is. 

As much as I love and respect women, for everything to be as it should, it is the man who is charged with setting the tone of the home. 

Thank you for your note, Sir. 

The face masks need to come off. If you don’t know how, read the bestselling “Face Masks in One Lesson.” (available here) ( For more on why that is so important to do, read “Face Masks Hurt Kids.” (available here) ( For hard-hitting, daily emails filled with wonderful wisdom on this topic and others, visit 

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