Time To Clean-Up Baseball

CLEVELAND — The city’s MLB team officially has its new name.

The team announced through a video posted to its Twitter account on Friday morning that it will be changing its name from the Cleveland Indians to the Cleveland Guardians. The name will go into effect following the conclusion of the 2021 season.

I think it is time to address all of the racist, patriarchal, oppressive, and insensitive team names from baseball.

New York Yankees – Yankees were white men who overran the indigenous people

Boston Red Sox – Red is a derogatory term for indigenous people – peaceful, I might add

Chicago White Sox – It has the word “White” in it.  Do I have to explain everything?

Cleveland Indians – They are now the Guardians; guards are keeping people unjustly in prison.  Oh, and there is a Cleveland roller-derby team already called the Guardians.

Detroit Tigers – “Detroit” represents white, French colonizers.

Kansas City Royals – Royalty implies privilege

Oakland A’s – Grading people A through F is racist.

Los Angeles Angels – Angels are symbols of an oppressive religion

Texas Rangers – Rangers arrested people.

Atlanta Braves – Really…are we still talking about this in 2021?

Philadelphia Phillies – Typical.  The females are doing all the work and the males take the credit.

Washington Nationals – National is racist and xenophobic.

Cincinnati Reds – Again, mocking the indigenous people because of the color of their skin.

St. Louis Cardinals – “Saint” is problematic, “Louis” was some privileged white guy, and “Cardinal” is red (see above).  So, both the city and the nickname have to go.

Pittsburgh Pirates – This is OK – Pirates loot…I mean, peacefully riot.

San Francisco Giants – Why all the hierarchical language.  Oh, and “San” is short for Saint, so that has to go also.  I bet Francisco did some bad stuff as well in the olden days – like 2019.

Los Angeles Dodgers – “Los” is cultural appropriation; “Angeles” is angels (see above).  But “Dodger” is good, especially after one peacefully riots.  So that part can stay.

San Diego Padres – San = Saint; Diego = some guy who did some bad stuff a long time ago; Padres = a lot of guys who did a lot of bad stuff a long time ago.

Arizona Diamondbacks – Diamonds are mined on the backs of the poor and those dispossessed of their land.

Conclusion

I find nothing wrong with the following, but that is likely only due to my deeply held but unexamined implicit biases.  I am begging both for help and for forgiveness.

Tampa Bay Rays

Toronto Blue Jays

Baltimore Orioles

Minnesota Twins

Houston Astros

Seattle Mariners

New York Mets

Miami Marlins

Milwaukee Brewers

Chicago Cubs

Colorado Rockies

Reprinted with permission from Bionic Mosquito.

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